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Order by 3pm Mon–Fri for same-day dispatchAny 4 rude cards for £10FREE TRACKED DELIVERY OVER £20We can print your message inside & post it directRated 4.9 from 571 reviewsOrder by 3pm Mon–Fri for same-day dispatchAny 4 rude cards for £10FREE TRACKED DELIVERY OVER £20We can print your message inside & post it directRated 4.9 from 571 reviews
Cunty Mail tracking result

Your cunt status has been verified.

We've checked. Santa's checked. Even the reindeer had a look. You're officially a right cunt. Merry fucking Christmas.

Cunty Mail 24
Tracking number
NAU-GHT 189 2026-LIS T00 069
Status
Certified cunt ✓
Naughty list
Permanent
Postage
Paid in vodka
Right to appeal
Denied

Tracking history

  1. Collected from the North PoleElf on a fag break. 40 minute delay.

  2. Wrapped badly by someone who loves youSellotape usage: excessive.

  3. Left under the treeShaken by a nosy bastard. That was you.

  4. Opened before the 25th?We're not saying anything. We're just noting it.

  5. Cunt status verifiedSigned for by: you, the cunt.Delivered

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Get them back on their birthday

Revenge is a dish best served in a card. Our newest filth, with the 15% already knocked off.

Hot pink rude birthday card standing upright against a pale pink background. Pale pink and white chunky typography reads 'HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY BETTY BEEF CURTAINS' over flowing pink wave stripes with white sparkle and dot details. Rude Birthday Card for Her - Betty Beef Curtains £3.99£3.39
Navy blue rude birthday card standing upright on a bright background. Bold light blue and white chunky typography reads 'NO ONE GIVES A FUCKING SHIT ABOUT YOUR BIRTHDAY' over navy wave stripes with white and light blue sparkle details. Rude Birthday Card - No One Gives A Shit £3.99£3.39
Hot pink rude birthday card standing upright on a bright background. Bold white and dark navy chunky typography reads 'PARTY LIKE YOU'RE A FUCKING ROCK STAR' over pink wave stripes with yellow and white sparkle details. Rude Birthday Card - Party Like A Rock Star £3.99£3.39
A square greeting card with a teal background and bold text reading 'IF THERE'S NO M&S PICKY BITS, I'M NOT FUCKING COMING HAPPY BIRTHDAY' in dark blue and white, shown on a bright yellow background. Rude Birthday Card - "No M&S Picky Bits" £3.99£3.39
Purple rude birthday card standing upright on a bright background. Bold white and bright yellow chunky typography reads 'LET'S HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY SUGAR TITS' over purple wave stripes with white and yellow sparkle details. Rude Birthday Card for Her - Sugar Tits £3.99£3.39
A blue birthday card with white text reading 'IN A WORLD FULL OF CUNTS, YOU'RE MY FAVOURITE HAPPY BIRTHDAY' and small white star accents, shown standing against a bright blue background. Rude Birthday Card - "You're My Favourite" £3.99£3.39
Green rude birthday card standing upright on a bright background. Bold white and dark navy chunky typography reads 'YOU MAY BE A CUNT BUT YOU STILL DESERVE A CARD' over Green wave stripes with white sparkle details. Rude Birthday Card - You Still Deserve A Card £3.99£3.39
A pink greeting card with bold white text reading 'MY GIFT BETTER FUCKING NOT END UP UP VINTED' and 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' below, shown standing against a purple background. Rude Birthday Card - "Not Ending Up On Vinted" £3.99£3.39
Green rude birthday card featuring 'Fuck me, you are so fucking old. Happy Birthday' message in bold lettering Rude Birthday Card - "So Fucking Old" Funny Birthday Card £3.99£3.39
Sky-blue "Not Long Until The Doctor Starts Sticking Their Finger Up Your Arse" birthday card tilted at an angle against a deep blue background Rude Birthday Card - "Doctor's Finger" £3.99£3.39
Golden yellow "You're Probably Going To Die Pretty Soon" birthday card tilted at an angle against a bold orange background Rude Birthday Card - "You're Probably Going To Die Pretty Soon" £3.99£3.39
Rude Birthday Card - Your Candles Are The Only Thing Getting Blown Today Rude Birthday Card - Your Candles Are The Only Thing Getting Blown Today £3.99£3.39
A birthday greeting card with a bold purple and blue striped background and pink and white text that reads, 'I AM SO FUCKING LUCKY TO BE ABLE TO CALL YOU MY EX-WIFE HAPPY BIRTHDAY,' shown standing against a bright pink background. Rude Birthday Card for Ex Wife - "So Fucking Lucky" £3.99£3.39
A blue greeting card with bold text reading 'I AM SO FUCKING LUCKY TO BE ABLE TO CALL YOU MY EX-HUSBAND HAPPY BIRTHDAY' on a bright yellow background. Rude Birthday Card for Ex Husband - "So Fucking Lucky" £3.99£3.39
Rude Anniversary Card - "Imagine Life Without Me" Rude Anniversary Card - "Imagine Life Without Me" £3.99£3.39
Royal blue anniversary card with pale blue and white block-capital text reading "YOU'RE SUCH A LUCKY FUCKER YOU, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY," decorated with hand-drawn stars, dots and sparkle icons. Rude Anniversary Card - "Lucky Fucker" £3.99£3.39
Purple anniversary card with white and lilac block-capital text reading "WELL THIS LASTED LONGER THAN WE FUCKING INTENDED, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY," decorated with hand-drawn stars, dots and sparkle icons. Rude Anniversary Card - "Lasted Longer Than We Intended" £3.99£3.39
Blush pink anniversary card with navy and white block-capital text reading "I'M SURPRISED YOU TWO HAVE LASTED SO FUCKING LONG, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY," decorated with hand-drawn stars, dots and sparkle icons. Rude Anniversary Card - "So Glad I Settled" £3.99£3.39
Deep purple A5 greeting card standing upright against a hot pink background. White chunky typography reads 'HOW THE FUCK' with bold bright yellow text below reading 'ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?', finished with white 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY'. Swirling wave pattern in darker purple tones with yellow dot and star details. Rude Birthday Card - How The Fuck Are You Still Alive? Happy Birthday £3.99£3.39
Rude Birthday Card - "One Cunt To Another" Funny Rude Birthday Card - "One Cunt To Another" Funny £3.99£3.39
Hot pink A5 greeting card standing upright against a deep purple background. Bold white and pale pink chunky typography reads 'IT'S TIME TO GET OFF OUR TITS FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY'. Diagonal wave and swirl pattern across the card in lighter pink tones with scattered star details. Rude Birthday Card - It's Time To Get Off Our Tits For Your Birthday £3.99£3.39
Rude birthday card reading 'Happy Birthday Cuntasaurus Rex' — yellow background with illustrated party dinosaur, bold navy and teal block text — Wottahoot Rude Birthday Card - Happy Birthday Cuntasaurus Rex £3.99£3.39
Rude birthday card reading So Turns Out You Really Are Old As Fuck on teal background Rude Birthday Card - So Turns Out You Really Are Old As Fuck £3.99£3.39
Yellow rude birthday card with 'I Would Not Buy A Card For Just Any Old Cunt' message in blue and white lettering Rude Birthday Card - "Any Old Cunt" Funny £3.99£3.39
Bright teal A5 card displayed against a styled coloured background. Bold white and dark navy chunky typography reads 'AT LEAST YOU'RE FAR TOO FUCKING OLD FOR A MIDLIFE CRISIS HAPPY BIRTHDAY'. Starburst ray pattern in teal with scattered sparkle and dot details. Rude Birthday Card - At Least You're Far Too Fucking Old For A Midlife Crisis £3.99£3.39
Green rude birthday card featuring 'One year on and you're still a fucking cunt' message in bold lettering Rude Birthday Card - "Still A Cunt" Funny Birthday Card £3.99£3.39
Funny birthday card reading 'Oooh Look At Me It's My Birthday Absolutely Fucking Pathetic' — teal background with yellow accent text, bold block design — Wottahoot Rude Birthday Card - Absolutely Fucking Pathetic £3.99£3.39
Rude birthday card reading 'You're Just Another Cunt With A Birthday, It's Nothing Special' — bright green background, bold white and navy block text — Wottahoot Rude Birthday Card - Just Another Cunt With A Birthday £3.99£3.39
Rude birthday card reading 'On Special Days Like Today Cunts Like You Get Cake Happy Birthday' — teal background, bold white and navy block text — Wottahoot Funny Birthday Card - On Special Days Cunts Get Cake £3.99£3.39
Rude Father's Day card reading 'All Other Dads Are Cunts' — blue background, bold block text — Wottahoot Rude Father's Day Card - All Other Dads Are Cunts £3.99£3.39
Purple rude birthday card featuring 'Happy Birthday to you & your big hairy minge' message in bold lettering Rude Birthday Card for Her - "Big Hairy Minge" Funny Birthday Card £3.99£3.39
Blue rude birthday card featuring 'Yet another fucking day that revolves around you' message in bold lettering Rude Birthday Card - "Day Revolving Around You" Funny Birthday Card £3.99£3.39
Blue rude birthday card featuring 'Happy Birthday to you & your massive knob' message in bold lettering Rude Birthday Card for Him - "Massive Knob" Funny Birthday Card £3.99£3.39
Blue rude birthday card with 'You're far too fucking old for TikTok' message in bold white lettering Rude Birthday Card - "Too Old For TikTok" Funny Birthday Card £3.99£3.39
Teal rude birthday card with 'One year on and you're still a fucking dickhead' message in bold lettering Rude Birthday Card - "Still A Dickhead" Funny Birthday Card £3.99£3.39
Purple rude birthday card with 'You don't look a day over sexy as fuck' message in bold lettering Rude Birthday Card - "Sexy As Fuck" Funny Birthday Card £3.99£3.39
Pink rude birthday card featuring 'Happy Birthday To You And Your Massive Tits' in bold white and pink lettering Rude Birthday Card for Her - "Massive Tits" Funny £3.99£3.39
Funny birthday card reading 'On Special Days Like Today Knobheads Like You Get Cake Happy Birthday' — teal background, bold white and navy block text — Wottahoot Funny Birthday Card - On Special Days Knobheads Get Cake £3.99£3.39
Funny Father's Day card reading 'A Card From The Best Child A Dad Could Ever Wish For' — teal background, bold block text — Wottahoot Funny Father's Day Card - Best Child A Dad Could Ever Wish For £3.99£3.39
Rude Birthday Card - "Still A Pain In The Arse" Funny Birthday Card Rude Birthday Card - "Still A Pain In The Arse" Funny Birthday Card £3.99£3.39
Orange rude birthday card featuring 'Happy Birthday To You & Your Ginger Tits' in bold blue and white lettering Rude Birthday Card - "Ginger Tits" Funny Birthday Card £3.99£3.39
Blue rude birthday card featuring 'Shake those Man Boobs' message in bold white and blue lettering Rude Birthday Card for Him - "Shake Those Man Boobs" Funny £3.99£3.39
Pink rude mum card featuring 'Mum you are the fucking best. Happy Birthday' message in bold lettering Rude Mum Birthday Card - "Fucking Best" Funny Birthday Card £3.99£3.39
Dark blue rude dad card featuring 'Dad you are an absolute fucking legend' message in bold lettering Rude Dad Birthday Card - "Fucking Legend" Funny Birthday Card £3.99£3.39
Vibrant pink rude birthday card featuring 'I've got underwear older than you' message in bold lettering Rude Birthday Card for Her - "Old Underwear" Funny £3.99£3.39
Rude Father's Day card from daughter reading 'Thanks For Raising Me To Be A Proper Fucking Lady' — pink background, bold block text — Wottahoot Rude Father's Day Card From Daughter - Thanks For Raising Me To Be A Proper Fucking Lady £3.99£3.39
Funny Father's Day card reading 'Dad, You're Certainly In My Top Two Favourite Parents' — teal background, bold block text — Wottahoot Funny Father's Day Card - Dad You're In My Top Two Favourite Parents £3.99£3.39
Pink rude birthday card featuring 'We used to be so fucking cool. Happy Birthday' message in bold lettering Rude Birthday Card - "We Used To Be So Cool" Funny Birthday Card £3.99£3.39
Orange rude birthday card with 'Happy Birthday You Sexy Ginger Bastard' message in dark blue and white lettering Rude Birthday Card - "Sexy Ginger Bastard" Funny Birthday Card £3.99£3.39

Fresh & Filthy 5-pack

Five of our newest rude cards for £10. Sorted for every birthday cunt this year.

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Can't be used with any other discount or offer, including 4 for £10. Excludes stamps and sale items. We're not fucking made of money.