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Rude Cards & Offensive Birthday Cards

Welcome to our gloriously rude greeting card collection – where every card has more personality than your ex and twice the attitude. We're talking rude birthday cards that don't mess about, rude leaving cards that actually say what everyone's thinking, and celebration cards that'll make your little old granny clutch at her pearls.

Our rude birthday cards are perfect for that mate who appreciates a proper piss-take on their special day – because "Happy Birthday, you absolute bellend" hits way different than the usual, generic, flower bollocks. And our rude leaving cards? They're for when "We'll miss you" just doesn't quite capture the "Thank fuck you're taking your smelly lunches elsewhere" vibe you're after.

Customers rate us 4.8/5 based on 26 reviews.

Find the perfect card

"I know exactly who you are, and I think you're fucking fantastic."

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Clap Your Flaps Rude Birthday Card for Her

(1)
£399

Forget those "another year older, another year wiser" cards that make everyone want to fake their own death. We're talking about our most popular rude birthday card that's so brilliantly cheeky and absolutely filthy, it'll have them cackling like a proper lunatic.

Shop now and give the gift of proper, inappropriate, snort-inducing humour – because your people deserve cards as brilliant as they are!

Let customers speak for us

from 26 reviews
For a Moody Brother

Second purchase, saw this for my brother and just had to get it! Great quality and arrived on time.

Julie D.
Moody Cunt Rude Birthday Card
Perfect

My bro is always saying his boobs ate bigger than mine...so card was perfect, hilarious, thank you

JACQUELINE HOLMES
Big Man Boobs Brother Rude Birthday Card
Perfect for the legend in your life

Love this card

Jenny Haffner
Beautiful Legend Rude Birthday Card
what a fuckin hoot!

A bosta!

Paul Healy
Rude Birthday Card - Geriatric Twat

Fast efficient service and great product.

Bernard
Loud Snoring Rude Valentines Card
5 Stars

Great card - lets see how well it is received.

Alexander K
Spill My Load Rude Valentines Card
Great Card, quick delivery

Bought for my sister, she loved it!

Julie D
Stupid Old Bitch Funny Birthday Card
Great - thanks

5 star

Julie D.
Absolute Thunder Cunt Birthday Card
He’s actually keeping This card!

My recipient laughed soooo much upon receiving this card. Bloomin loved it so much, he told me he’d be keeping that one. A great card, just what I wanted. Also, initially the card hadn’t arrived when I thought it would and Customer Services bent over backwards to assist me and sent out a replacement card. Literally the same day I messaged them, my fella received his card. I was too late to stop the replacement. Can’t recommend Wottahoot enough xxx

An
Attention Seeking Little Cunt Rude Get Well Card
Great card - had such a laugh

Great selection. Great quality

Julie D
Clap Your Flaps Rude Birthday Card
Very funny

Lovely card

Yvonne Callen
One Cunt to Another Rude Birthday Card
Brilliant

Brilliant

Richard Moy
Spaff On Your Tits Rude Anniversary Card
Great card

My partner loved his birthday card, the quality is amazing and such a great size
I found after ordering that the address was wrong I contacted customer services and they was so quick to reply and sorted it me straight away which I appreciated

Sarah Walton
Rude Birthday Card - Cock In My Mouth
Absolutely brilliant

Love these designs, great quality cards

Mel Sharp
Fuck Off Then Rude Leaving Card

Really good quality card and my partner liked it 😂

Wendy
Rude Birthday Card - Cock In My Mouth

So, WTF is Wottahoot?

Look, we all know that feeling. Your best friend's birthday is coming up, and you want a card that says "I love you, you magnificent bellend" rather than "Wishing you sunshine and flowers."

Or you need a leaving card for that colleague who's finally escaping – and "We'll miss your contributions to the team" just doesn't capture the "Thank fuck you're taking your smelly lunches elsewhere" vibe you're going for.

That's our sweet spot. Cards that make people snort-laugh in public. Cards that might get you disinherited if Granny has found her reading glasses that day.

Cards that actually sound like YOU.